Bong-Dong-A-Dong script for webcams(First draft)

17 09 2010

The idea for this script came from the extreme neurotic character traits of Seinfeld. One of the things I love about the Seinfeld characters is how they aren’t normal. They each take a small matter or problem and blow it up to ridiculous proprtions. Thats what makes it so funny. This webcams episode nearly didnt happen. We were short a character until what felt like the 11th hour. We didnt have someone for character B. Krumbine drew a short straw every time he turned to someone for the role and when I heard of this via email from Krumbine, I thought to myself, I really dont have time to send out begging emails for the role of character B, but darn it! I believe in this show and it was my script concept so I hit some people up, namingly kalacaw, ArtWorksLive and a few others. So within two hours I had an answer from Kalacaw. She said she will take a look at the script and get back to me. In the end she was too busy. Then later that night or early next day ArtworksLive says she can play the part. I was over the moon! To get Baby in for webcams is a real plus.
Anyway heres the first draft written that was sent forward to krumbine.

Freckled Member. Later to be named (Bong-Dong-A-Dong)

Characters
A = Male
B = Female
C = Male or female
D = Male or female

A
Anyway I don’t know wheather I should get it lanced off or not.

B
Wo, wo, wo! Don’t even go there! Doing it down in that area!? No, no!

C
Don’t go where?

A
Hey I thought you said it was just us two?!

B
Well it was, but now,…

C
Where aren’t we allowed to go?

B
Oh its nothing really, he has a thing in an awkward spot.

A
That’s the last time I confide in you.

B
Oh storm in a tea cup!

C
Ooh genital warts?

A
No, not even in the ball park!

B
This really isn’t a big deal you know and it sort of is in the ball park.

D
Ah this sounds like a big deal. Count me in.

A
Oh man, another one? Why don’t we sell tickets?!

B
Yeah it kind of is now. Just come out and say it.

A
No!

B
Oh, he’s a little sensitive about, ..

A
(interrups)
Ahh, Don’t you dare say it!

B
A personal problem.

D
I wasn’t going to say anything but one ear looks lower than the other.

B
Oh it is too. I hadn’t noticed that before.

A
(covering both ears, self consiouce)
What? What are you guys saying?!

C
Hey you know you are right. Kind of unique really.

A
Oh man! From a private conversation to out and out public! And now my ears?!

D
So where was the ball park?

B
Oh that’s a little lower.

D
So his foot?

B
No a little higher.

A
How did my personal problem, that I might need lanced, become such hot debate?

B
Well derr dummy! Since you got so sensitive about it. Like a lamb to the slaughter.

C
Wait lanced, a little higher than the foot?

D
Oh my, this story isn’t looking too pretty all of a sudden.

B
Come on, put them out of their misery and spill the beans!

A
No it’s a matter of principle now.

B
Principle! My principle concern right now is to put these guys out of their misery and fill them in. He’s got a freckle on his penis!

A
Oh come on! Isn’t anything sacred anymore?

C
Is that all? Wow, what a drama queen!

D
No dude you need to get that checked out before its too late and they have to cut a whole chunk out of your member, just to get rid of it.

B
I’m sure its only a small matter.

A
(clears throat)
Excuse me?

D
(Laughs)
Puts another meaning to another notch on the bed post, hey?

B
If its aesthetics you’re worried about. Try this on for size, mind over matter. If you don’t mind it doesn’t matter.

C
I like how you mentioned size, very subtle.

A
Now I think I might need a shrink. Talking on webcam is dangerous for your self esteem.

C
So you might have a melanoma on your wing wang. Have a doctor look at it.

A
A mela what?

B
I’m sure the doctors seen a million wing wangs before.

A
(Sarcastic laugh)

C
Melanoma. A form of cancer that begins in melanocytes.

A
Smaller words please?

B
Ooh I got this. Cells that make the pigment melanin.

C
And it may begin in a mole or other pigmented tissues of your body, like your eyes even.

A
(kind of relieved with this info)
Oh thank you. Fountain of knowledge you guys. Kind of makes me forget all about my worries.

B
Now aren’t you glad you fessed up?

A
Fessed up? Yeah right blabber mouth.
So I’m ringing the doctor right now.

D
Make sure to ask the doc about your ears too.

A
(covers ears and worried again)
Oh man! Later guys. (Turns off cam)

D
I was just messing with his head, he doesn’t have crooked ears.

B
(smiles)
Nice one!

C
I think the ears thing has messed with his head more than the possible cancer on his wing wang!

(everybody laughs)

End credits.

Krumbine was un-decided on how to finish this script off, being a touchy subject. In general cancer doesn’t really end well.
Anyway for all the changes including the end, click on the film below.

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2 responses

17 09 2010
Krumbine

I definitely like how you’re posting these! They really add to the whole commentary of the creative process!

18 09 2010
Blog my death 2 life.

Yeah I think its like adding to what could become the “Dynasty” of webcams, LOL! You can re-post them if you want on horbawrong if you are so inclined.

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