The Throat Clearer webcams script (first draft)

6 02 2011

So this is the first draft proposal to the Throat Clearer episode, that I sent to krumbine. So over the years I have been on this earth I have come across numerous throat clearer’s. I had a Grandfather, rest his soul, who used to clear his throat more than several times in a four-hour period. I’m guessing how often, but it was quite disgusting being in the same house when he cleared his throat. I have worked with a person who cleared his throat every time he would enter a room. I amuse myself with the theory that he is trying to assert his dominance with his throat clearing ability. Sort of like an inferior complex, it’s a game in his own mind. And of course there are others who do have a legitimate medical reason, like an excessive build up of phlegm. I myself have had this problem from time to time.
Now the twist to this sometimes socially awkward problem is inspired by Seinfeld. Elaine, Jerry, Kramer and George would all have ridiculous reasons for breaking up with their partner and this one fits in that category, perfectly.

Webcams proposal 4

Characters
A = female
B = male or female
C = male or female
D = male

A
So I dropped him like a hot potato!

B
Oh you go girl! But really, it cant be that bad?!

C
Who’s dropping who? Give me the goss, the goss, goss, goss! Like yesterday.

B
OK, Brittany here dropped Drake cause he clears his throat, like, like, nobodies business.

C
You’re kidding me?! That hunk a man meat, dropped like a hot potato because he clears his throat?

A
That’s right. Totally weirds me out!

C
Kinda harsh don’t you think?

A
(Resolute)
You wanna talk harsh baby. Like, try standing in the same room when he clears his throat?

B
So have you told him why?

A
Oh, …I haven’t quite told him yet.

C
So we’re witnessing a break up before the break up?

B
Really? Like, like you’re ok with telling us before him?

A
Oh totally cool as a cucumber!

C
So this is some weird shit right here. Give us an example of how he might clear his throat.

B
Yeah and we can tell you if its, like a dumpable offense.

A
Ok then.
(clears throat as if shifting a truck load of phlegm)

C
(blown away)
Oh wow!

A
I know, see?!

B
(convinced)
Oh now that sounds like a cry for help.

C
Cry for help?!

A
No, its shocking! You never know what I might, like, like catch!

C
Have you asked him if he has a problem at all?

A
Like derr! Its clear he has a problem, don’t need to ask.

B
He’s overdoing it, he has issues!

A
Issues?!

C
He might have a dairy intolerance.

A
But he doesn’t work at a dairy.

C
No I mean a build up of phlegm as a reaction to dairy products he eats.

A
Huh?

B
An inferiority complex.

A
Infer-whaty plex?

B
Like, he’s asserting his dominance by clearing his throat, extremely hard and loud, for everyone to hear.

A
(confused look)

C
I’m putting my money on lactose intolerant.

B
Like, inferiority complex, all my money!

C
Is it really worth it?

D
(clears throat)
Is what worth what?

B
If Brittany should drop Drake because, like, he clears his throat like T-Rex would.
(puts hand over mouth, realising the cats out of the bag)

A
Oh they don’t know what they are talking about Drake. Don’t listen to them. How did it, like go at the doctors?

D
(clears throat)
Doc says I should cut back on dairy intake.

C
Boo yeah! Can you feel it?! Feel the righteousness!

B
(defeated)
Oh my god!

D
(clears throat)
So when were you going to tell me? After telling the local newspaper?

A
Like, like I was just kidding Drake.

B
Sounds like Brittany needs to apologise to Drake.

A
Ah yes, like, I need to apologise to you Drake.

D
(waiting for the apology)
OK?

C
Oh this is awkward. Exit stage left.
(turns off cam)

B
(grimaced look of embarrassment as turns off cam)

D
Well …?

A
Wanna get pizza?

End credits

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