So this is the first draft proposal to the Throat Clearer episode, that I sent to krumbine. So over the years I have been on this earth I have come across numerous throat clearer’s. I had a Grandfather, rest his soul, who used to clear his throat more than several times in a four-hour period. I’m guessing how often, but it was quite disgusting being in the same house when he cleared his throat. I have worked with a person who cleared his throat every time he would enter a room. I amuse myself with the theory that he is trying to assert his dominance with his throat clearing ability. Sort of like an inferior complex, it’s a game in his own mind. And of course there are others who do have a legitimate medical reason, like an excessive build up of phlegm. I myself have had this problem from time to time.
Now the twist to this sometimes socially awkward problem is inspired by Seinfeld. Elaine, Jerry, Kramer and George would all have ridiculous reasons for breaking up with their partner and this one fits in that category, perfectly.
Webcams proposal 4
Characters
A = female
B = male or female
C = male or female
D = male
A
So I dropped him like a hot potato!
B
Oh you go girl! But really, it cant be that bad?!
C
Who’s dropping who? Give me the goss, the goss, goss, goss! Like yesterday.
B
OK, Brittany here dropped Drake cause he clears his throat, like, like, nobodies business.
C
You’re kidding me?! That hunk a man meat, dropped like a hot potato because he clears his throat?
A
That’s right. Totally weirds me out!
C
Kinda harsh don’t you think?
A
(Resolute)
You wanna talk harsh baby. Like, try standing in the same room when he clears his throat?
B
So have you told him why?
A
Oh, …I haven’t quite told him yet.
C
So we’re witnessing a break up before the break up?
B
Really? Like, like you’re ok with telling us before him?
A
Oh totally cool as a cucumber!
C
So this is some weird shit right here. Give us an example of how he might clear his throat.
B
Yeah and we can tell you if its, like a dumpable offense.
A
Ok then.
(clears throat as if shifting a truck load of phlegm)
C
(blown away)
Oh wow!
A
I know, see?!
B
(convinced)
Oh now that sounds like a cry for help.
C
Cry for help?!
A
No, its shocking! You never know what I might, like, like catch!
C
Have you asked him if he has a problem at all?
A
Like derr! Its clear he has a problem, don’t need to ask.
B
He’s overdoing it, he has issues!
A
Issues?!
C
He might have a dairy intolerance.
A
But he doesn’t work at a dairy.
C
No I mean a build up of phlegm as a reaction to dairy products he eats.
A
Huh?
B
An inferiority complex.
A
Infer-whaty plex?
B
Like, he’s asserting his dominance by clearing his throat, extremely hard and loud, for everyone to hear.
A
(confused look)
C
I’m putting my money on lactose intolerant.
B
Like, inferiority complex, all my money!
C
Is it really worth it?
D
(clears throat)
Is what worth what?
B
If Brittany should drop Drake because, like, he clears his throat like T-Rex would.
(puts hand over mouth, realising the cats out of the bag)
A
Oh they don’t know what they are talking about Drake. Don’t listen to them. How did it, like go at the doctors?
D
(clears throat)
Doc says I should cut back on dairy intake.
C
Boo yeah! Can you feel it?! Feel the righteousness!
B
(defeated)
Oh my god!
D
(clears throat)
So when were you going to tell me? After telling the local newspaper?
A
Like, like I was just kidding Drake.
B
Sounds like Brittany needs to apologise to Drake.
A
Ah yes, like, I need to apologise to you Drake.
D
(waiting for the apology)
OK?
C
Oh this is awkward. Exit stage left.
(turns off cam)
B
(grimaced look of embarrassment as turns off cam)
I haven’t blogged in this blog for nearly a month now. I feel a little guilty for that. Really I don’t know why, or I should say I do know why. It’s one of those “Promises I have made to myself to post regularly here and haven’t followed through with guilt trips”. Really I’m over it now. There will be more blogs on the first drafts that made it to the final cuts of webcams in the future. They have ground to a halt because of laptop problems.
Update: HP laptop decided not to recognize the DVD drive around April this year. I got by without using it and now about two weeks ago the sound just drops out. Relying heavily on video medium as a source of creativity has really upped the anti on my proactiveness. This problem sometimes
consumes me and after a few hours struggling through troubleshooting, recovery manager and reinstalling driver software, I’m back at square one. Up shit creek without a paddle, or a laptop without sound and a DVD drive. This routine I have carried out in varying detail and ways, more than several times. So I decided to hand my laptop over to Rune, a friend of mine. I’m hoping his knowledge and expertise will rub off on the gods of all things laptopish. I also have a feeling it might be dusty in the inner workings of the laptop. It has been easily overheating.
Whether that makes it overheat and affect the graphic and sound card I don’t know.
Fairly important for me to get this laptop fixed within the next couple of days as I am involved in the “One day on Earth” project, which is due on the 10th November. The idea is to film anything you like on the 24 hours of 10/10-10. I filmed and interviewed a friend during the preparations of the Elk hunting season, which started on 11/10-10 here in Sweden, just a day after filming. You upload your film and the organizers pick the best films from around the world to make a feature length film, a sort of world diary for that day.
The other important project I need to edit is the Indiana Jones film we shot with my son and his friends back in October. We try to make at least one film with the kids each year. They get a real buzz out of shooting and watching the final product.
I have been enjoying the writing process in webcams format and found myself working on more than one script at a time. That is not something I like doing because it inevitably means I drop the ball completely on one or all of them.
As for subjects to write about, I like to keep a variety of themes going. I listen to many podcasts and read news fed to
My iPhone regularly. The research into subjects is initially to give my characters a little depth. I think it’s important for some of the characters to know about the core subject of every, on average 5 to 7 minute episode. In fact I am listening to a podcast right now called “Beer Sessions”. All about craft beers. I think I might centre a script around this episode. It’s all about malts and the malting process. I used to brew my own beer back in the 90’s and never knew too much about the malt process. Malt was something you just bought to add flavor and character to your home brew. Turns out its quite an important process in a great tasting beer.
The idea this could be a great entertaining webcams script only came to me after watching a very long vlog on the same subject by thechurchofdave. I think its a very important subject in so many ways. I personally believe we humans do not generate energy and produce products for consumption with the earth and environment in mind, often enough. If there is an alternative to produce products with resources from the earth, that leaves less of a footprint and is renewable, then we owe it to ourselves and the earth to choose that way. weighing up the pro’s and con’s of each alternative is so important, especially when one of those alternatives involves using a fossil fuel.
This subject certainly has enough different points of view to create characters holding polarizing points of views. And it seemed simple enough to me to have one of those characters offering up himself as “The champion”, of a renewable resource that arguably puts all other alternatives to shame. Seeing as how the whole world needs some pretty hard convincing on the worth of this resource, despite the proven facts, it makes for a pretty heated discussion.
So I started writing a script, with education and entertainment in mind. The main thing was to get across the facts, plain and simple, but entertaining at the same time. I did feel that thechurchofdave should play the role of “The Champion of Industrial Grade Hemp”. After all, the idea did come from watching his vlog. After delays upon delays due to technical difficulties, Dave couldn’t play the part, the back up guy fell short of time to finish the lines and so krumbine filled the role. And boy did he make it his role. By far this role had the longest monologues to date, plus they were full of facts that had to be right-Its all there in history. Full credit to krumbine for making this webcams work, you da man Jordan.
Speaking of making it work, I personally wrote three first drafts, as it were. Each time I wrote another from the first I cut out some facts that I thought we could do without. It was way too long.
Krumbine did his own fact-finding research and added some facts into the dialogue. It’s a fine line, how much vital information do you include in such a script without losing your audience? Personally I think we came up with the right amount, to entertain, educate and open people’s eyes. Or at least put it out there, there is a better way.
Anyway, here is the first draft proposal I sent to krumbine, of what turned out to be the longest webcams running at just over 12 minutes.
Webcams Proposal
Only Sheeple Boycott BP.
Characters A = male or female
B = male
C = male or female
D = male
A
I say boycott BP!
(resolute and said with conviction)
B
And whats that going to do?
A
Its going to stop the oil spills like the one off the gulf of Mexico.
B
And you think the demand for oil will disappear, just because a bunch of people are boycotting BP? Auugh, think again!
A
No it will send a message.
B
And what message is that? That you don’t know what to do and you are concerned?
C
Concerned about what?
B
I’m concerned about people complaining without giving educated solutions.
C
Educated solutions to what?
A
The amount of wildlife affected by this oil spill off the gulf of Mexico has me in a spin.
B
Oh man, the irony of it all!!!
A
What irony?! (a little pissed off)
B
To see the poor animals affected by this oil spill, you have to look through the material its slathered in!
C
What the hell are you saying? You have to look through oil to see the footage of these poor animals? (makes a loopy crazy motion with hand and face)
B
What do you think computer monitors and various other parts of computers are made of? Butter?! Come on get your head out of your ass! (or the sand)
C
Aha I see your point. But really all us little people can do is boycott, we are powerless without numbers, right?
A
Yeah really, we don’t have a say! We need the numbers.
B
Yeah, we need the numbers, a bunch of people proving they know jack shit about whatever they are screaming about! Wow man, remind me never to come to your rally, demonstration or protest in the future. Its your fault!
A
What?! I was nowhere near the gulf of Mexico!
B
You don’t have to be near this tragedy to contribute, you just have to contribute to demand. And when demand is there, it creates a reason for supply.
C
So all of a sudden its her/his fault?!
Note::(do this line twice, both her and he)
B
And your fault!
(directed at C)
C
Hey man, I’m a tree huggin’ hippie at heart. I would never do anything to screw up nature like this oil spill has.
B
Do me a favor, stop complaining! If you want to complain, complain about the lack of alternatives to the oil industry.
A
There is no alternatives to that black gold! Oil is master!
C
Yeah, its king! We have no choice.
B
Oh come on guys, you have a computer, which oil helped to produce. Google it!
A
Ok , I can see you are busting at the seems to tell us, whats on your mind?
C
Yeah smarty pants, deliver the milk!
A
Deliver the milk?
C
So I like milk?!
B
Us humans need NOT, be so reliant on one resource. There are other alternatives which give back to the earth on which we live.
A
Well there’s the electric car.
B
Yes and that was fun while it lasted! Gee’s you guys are lame! Research this for yourself, get informed man!
C
Look we are here now, so make with your golden egg and tell us what you think.
A
Yeah and then we can google that.
(laughs)
B
Ok so, do you guys like the plastic bottles your fancy water comes in?
A & C
Yes
B
Do you guys like the computers you are talking through right now?
A & C
Yes
B
Do you guys like the motor car you drive around in?
A & C
Yes
B
Do you guys like the oxygen you breathe? Do you guys like the forests, we have left on this planet?
A & C
Yes and yes
C
I want milk! Give me the milk!!
A
Again with the milk?!
B
You both aren’t going to like this!
C
Oh come on, spill the milk!
A
Dude, you have a milk stained mind!
B
Industrial grade hemp!
C
Weed?!
A
Oh man, you’re some dope smoking hippie who wants a reason to grow the weed you’re smoking!
B
See now there’s where you are wrong! If I smoked industrial grade hemp I would just get a headache and I would be wasting a valuable resource.
A
But hemp can’t possibly be the answer to crude oil dependency!
B
What it does do is create an alternative to products made from oil and wood.
C
Which means oil is still king.
B
Augh!!! Wrong, it could actually make the dependency on oil obsolete!
C
But it’s still marijuana and that’s illegal.
B
No it’s not marijuana, its industrial grade hemp. Its been associated with marijuana because it’s the same genus of plant, and lets just say a certain percentage of people got a little creative with the facts on this matter, all in the name of the mighty dollar.
A
So you are saying…?
B
Well some say there was an eradication conspiracy back in the 1930’s.
C
Errada what?!
B
Dude, both Henry Ford and Rudolf Diesel, who invented the diesel engine by the way, designed their vehicles to be powered by plant-based fuels.
C
So what happened?
B
A well orchestrated public relations campaign happened, is what happened. Its called business, good business, in this case, at the expense of this planet, if we keep on using the amount of oil the demand is demanding.
A
I’m still not following, I don’t understand.
B
Henry Ford in the 1930’s liked to grow industrial hemp on his property to demonstrate the efficiency of methanol production, to power his cars.
A
Wow, you can make methanol from hemp?
B
Yes, you see its great with a little education you can go places. And another example of the versatility of hemp is …plastic, rayon and cellophane made from hemp are biodegradable.
C
So maybe we actually don’t need to use so much oil in the first place.
B
It’s simply a matter of good business, make your competition look bad, so you can sell more of your product, simple!
A
I’m still sceptical.
B
Don’t worry, being sceptical is healthy, kind of encourages the truth to come out. Just don’t be a sheeple and complain without knowing what you are screaming about.
A
Hey I’m no sheeple, man!
B
Well just keep listening to my solutions, maybe you will change your mind. And by the way, they aren’t mine-they are proven facts! Believe me there is plenty to go along with my complaining, enough to make you think you are eating them for breakfast. BAA BAA!
A
I’m no sheeple!
C
Ha ha, BAA BAA!
A
(disgruntled look)
C
So you said something about wood. Hemp cant replace wood products surely, its not a tree.
B
BAA BAA! You come from the same flock of sheeple I see.
C
No way! The paper industry world-wide, is huge. You must be smoking too much weed if you think it can replace the forest industry.
B
BAA BAA! Hemp fibreboard is stronger than wood, hemp houses are as strong as cement houses and are better insulated.
C
Ok, but the paper?
B
BAA BAA! I’m getting to that. Hemp paper will last up to 1,500 years and hemp cloth is stronger than cotton. Cotton requires more pesticides than any other agricultural product.
Anything made from oil or wood, can be made from hemp.
A
We really havent got long before it’s too late and we run out of oil. Introducing hemp into the industry as an energy source would take too long.
B
BAA BAA! It wouldn’t take long at all. The day I see a gasoline pump next to a hemp gasoline pump, is the day we all begin to have a choice.
Historical tradition favors the use of hemp. The US constitution, the declaration of independence, the Gutenberg bible, and Old Glory (The United States first flag) were all made of hemp.
D
OMG! Not another hippie, pot smoking, side-show freak talking up the use of hemp!
A and C
BAA BAA, get your head out of your own ass, sheeple boy!
B
(laughing out loud, so hard)
D
My own ass? Whats a sheeple?!
A
You! BAA BAA!
C
We consumers need alternatives to make an informed choice!
D
This is about the current oil leak off the gulf of Mexico isn’t it?
The best way is to boycott BP.
C
And you think the demand for oil will disappear just because a bunch of people are boycotting BP? Auuugh, think again!
D
It will send the right message.
A B C
BAA BAA, sheeple boy!!
(All sign off together)
D
(shakes head)
What a strange bunch of people.
(inner dialogue-I think I might google hemp, or maybe sheeple, yeah sheeple!)
End credits.
Click past the break to see the changes and final product below.
This script I am so happy krumbine stuck to and most of all he kept the heart and spirit of. It was a short one, so he incorperated it with a fairly short script from AngryPunkBronxKid. Boy was the marriage of these two scripts a match made in heaven. The opiniated married to the facts and assholes. This marriage had three children, each of whom drove the story home, with full bases. These children were Chris LeBrane, Eric Morrison and CupcakeandTea. These people made the words to this script come alive.
So below is the first draft of my script which I submitted to krumbine.
Webcams 450.
Characters
A
B
C
A
Brontology, ..
C
Bronta what!?
B
Brontology.
A
Yes, that’s right.
B
What about it?
C
What is it?
A
I’m glad you asked.
C
What?!
B
He said, I’m glad you asked.
C
I know, you Brontasaurous!
B
Hey is it the study of Brontasaurouses?
A
(laughs)
No, it’s the study of thunder.
B
(burps)
C
Speaking of thunder.
B
How did they come up with Brontology as the name for the study of thunder?
A
I don’t know.
(shrugs shoulders)
B
Well you bought it up, you should have a little more to say on the matter.
C
You’re really smart. I wish I knew intelligent things like that.
A
Maybe its got to do with how the thunder roars just like a Brontasaurous used to do.
B
I know a fact that maybe you guys don’t know.
C
Tell us, tell us!
B
A dog was killed by a meteor in Nakhla Egypt, in 1911.
C
Oh that’s sad. You’re right I didn’t know that.
B
I’m not finished yet.
C
Wwwell sssorrryy!
B
The unlucky canine is, ..
A
The only creature known to have been killed by a meteor.
B
Oh, but how did you know that?!
A
I’m a fountain of knowledge.
C
And your fountain is flowing.
B
OK. What unusual plant can you make paper out of, other than the obvious?
A
Asparagus.
C
???
B
Oh man!
C
Oh you’re just too good.
B
(frustrated look)
Right, lets up the antie!
A cosmic year is the amount of time it takes the sun to revolve around the center of the milky way. About how many years is that?
A
About 225 million years.
B
Grrrrrrr!
Alfred Nobel of Sweden, patented dynamite in what year?
A
1867.
C
Ooh this is just like one of those quiz shows.
B
How many Model T Fords were manufactured all in black?
A
15,700,003.
C
That’s a lot of Model T’s.
A
Model T Fords.
C
Ok know it all!
B
What other animals prints can not be distinguished from human fingerprints?
A
The koala bear.
B
Damn! Theres got to be something you don’t know.
Ok, ok, ok, ok. In Greek culture brides carry a lump of sugar in their wedding glove. Why?
A
Its supposed to bring sweetness to their married life.
Another one bites the dust!
C
Iknow, I know, I got one you guys are sure not to know.
B
Wait, wait.
C
Ohh!
B
So when was the yo yo introduced into the world?
A
In 1929 by Donald F Duncan.
B
(claps hands in frustration)
Damn!
A
And the toy was based on a weapon used by the 16th century Filipino hunters.
C
I got one What are the names of Popeye’s four nephews?
A
Is that even a question?
B
Of course it is. So what are they? You have three seconds 1, 2 ,
A
Ummm.
B
3! ..Haha! Pipeye, Peepeye, Pupeye and Poopeye.
C
And we have a winner!
A
Oh come on. How can one say that one is the winner if one knows the answer to that trivial question?
B
NA, that was the question posed. I’m the winner.
A
Oh really, the last word in that answer was Poopeye! Come on!
C
No hes right, you know. That’s their names.
A
Its not fair! I wont accept it! Its lunacy!
B
No lunacy is a term referring to mental illness. Stemming from the prefex luna. A term left over from ancient times when the moon was thought to cause insanity and mental problems.
C
Oh you wont believe it! Theres a full moon tonight.
A
(disgruntled look)
Poopeye shmoopeye!!!
(turns off cam)
C
Do you think hes going crazy from the full moon?
B
(chuckles)
Its very possible, my friend, very possible.
C
Really?
B
No Poopeye, I’m just kidding. I’ll see you next time.
C
See ya later, quiz show winner.
(turns off cam)
B
(smiles and turns off cam)
End credits.
So to see the changes and the missing script click on the final product below.
The idea for this script came from the extreme neurotic character traits of Seinfeld. One of the things I love about the Seinfeld characters is how they aren’t normal. They each take a small matter or problem and blow it up to ridiculous proprtions. Thats what makes it so funny. This webcams episode nearly didnt happen. We were short a character until what felt like the 11th hour. We didnt have someone for character B. Krumbine drew a short straw every time he turned to someone for the role and when I heard of this via email from Krumbine, I thought to myself, I really dont have time to send out begging emails for the role of character B, but darn it! I believe in this show and it was my script concept so I hit some people up, namingly kalacaw, ArtWorksLive and a few others. So within two hours I had an answer from Kalacaw. She said she will take a look at the script and get back to me. In the end she was too busy. Then later that night or early next day ArtworksLive says she can play the part. I was over the moon! To get Baby in for webcams is a real plus.
Anyway heres the first draft written that was sent forward to krumbine.
Freckled Member. Later to be named (Bong-Dong-A-Dong)
Characters
A = Male
B = Female
C = Male or female
D = Male or female
A
Anyway I don’t know wheather I should get it lanced off or not.
B
Wo, wo, wo! Don’t even go there! Doing it down in that area!? No, no!
C
Don’t go where?
A
Hey I thought you said it was just us two?!
B
Well it was, but now,…
C
Where aren’t we allowed to go?
B
Oh its nothing really, he has a thing in an awkward spot.
A
That’s the last time I confide in you.
B
Oh storm in a tea cup!
C
Ooh genital warts?
A
No, not even in the ball park!
B
This really isn’t a big deal you know and it sort of is in the ball park.
D
Ah this sounds like a big deal. Count me in.
A
Oh man, another one? Why don’t we sell tickets?!
B
Yeah it kind of is now. Just come out and say it.
A
No!
B
Oh, he’s a little sensitive about, ..
A
(interrups)
Ahh, Don’t you dare say it!
B
A personal problem.
D
I wasn’t going to say anything but one ear looks lower than the other.
B
Oh it is too. I hadn’t noticed that before.
A
(covering both ears, self consiouce)
What? What are you guys saying?!
C
Hey you know you are right. Kind of unique really.
A
Oh man! From a private conversation to out and out public! And now my ears?!
D
So where was the ball park?
B
Oh that’s a little lower.
D
So his foot?
B
No a little higher.
A
How did my personal problem, that I might need lanced, become such hot debate?
B
Well derr dummy! Since you got so sensitive about it. Like a lamb to the slaughter.
C
Wait lanced, a little higher than the foot?
D
Oh my, this story isn’t looking too pretty all of a sudden.
B
Come on, put them out of their misery and spill the beans!
A
No it’s a matter of principle now.
B
Principle! My principle concern right now is to put these guys out of their misery and fill them in. He’s got a freckle on his penis!
A
Oh come on! Isn’t anything sacred anymore?
C
Is that all? Wow, what a drama queen!
D
No dude you need to get that checked out before its too late and they have to cut a whole chunk out of your member, just to get rid of it.
B
I’m sure its only a small matter.
A
(clears throat)
Excuse me?
D
(Laughs)
Puts another meaning to another notch on the bed post, hey?
B
If its aesthetics you’re worried about. Try this on for size, mind over matter. If you don’t mind it doesn’t matter.
C
I like how you mentioned size, very subtle.
A
Now I think I might need a shrink. Talking on webcam is dangerous for your self esteem.
C
So you might have a melanoma on your wing wang. Have a doctor look at it.
A
A mela what?
B
I’m sure the doctors seen a million wing wangs before.
A
(Sarcastic laugh)
C
Melanoma. A form of cancer that begins in melanocytes.
A
Smaller words please?
B
Ooh I got this. Cells that make the pigment melanin.
C
And it may begin in a mole or other pigmented tissues of your body, like your eyes even.
A
(kind of relieved with this info)
Oh thank you. Fountain of knowledge you guys. Kind of makes me forget all about my worries.
B
Now aren’t you glad you fessed up?
A
Fessed up? Yeah right blabber mouth.
So I’m ringing the doctor right now.
D
Make sure to ask the doc about your ears too.
A
(covers ears and worried again)
Oh man! Later guys. (Turns off cam)
D
I was just messing with his head, he doesn’t have crooked ears.
B
(smiles)
Nice one!
C
I think the ears thing has messed with his head more than the possible cancer on his wing wang!
(everybody laughs)
End credits.
Krumbine was un-decided on how to finish this script off, being a touchy subject. In general cancer doesn’t really end well.
Anyway for all the changes including the end, click on the film below.
Jordan Krumbine is a name that has been prevalent in my life for several years now. But I have a question for my conscience. And that is, “How can this person be so prevalent in your life, when you haven’t even met the guy?” To that my conscience answers, “Dedication to creativity, with a willingness to support others in their creative goals, All online!”
Jordan Krumbine has re-defined “working together”, when it comes to online projects. Not only is he willing to leave artistic licence to you, in the name of a common goal, he also is willing to give to the community, in order to achieve the very best.
If you haven’t heard of Jordan Krumbine, then you will probably be hearing his name in the near future.
Scripted shows are his game. The written word, is where he comes from and a well scripted show usually with a funny punchline is what drives the message home.
Among many, I speak of his latest success “Webcams” the internet show.
If you are willing to write something from your own head, Jordan is willing to review and if it has potential, turn it into a script, Seinfeld would be proud of. If you have a hankering for acting and a decent webcam or cam, you too could be a part of Webcams. This is a series that has more versatility than a triathlete. More valuable lessons in a comedic punchline than Happy Days, above all its entertaining.
The musically inclined have a say into the final product as well. Every episode there is a 20 second song chosen from those submitted to help carry it to greatness.
I am honoured to be a part of “Webcams” and glad to contribute in the future.
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